I am not sure what I feel these days. The approaching fall season evokes conflicting emotions. Lazy summer days on my porch “office” will end (boo). Crisp air will turn the leaves a glorious, vibrant array of autumn colours (yay). Work deadlines loom (boo). Colleagues are returning from holidays to gather again at the office (yay). Grandkids will head to school (whee!), some for the first time (yikes!). The days get busier (boo? yay? yikes? whee?). Pumpkin Spice lattes abound (yum).
One feeling I am sure of, is a feeling of being needy. The world is a mess, Canada is a mess, I am a mess. There is my overarching, ever-present need for more sensitivity to the Holy Spirit, vision and faith to combat the 2:00 AM heebie-jeebies, strength for tight schedules, grace for the gaps. There is a density of calendar events making me fidgety and anxious. There is a need for community. Where would we be without each other? Some of my community have told me they are putting one or two of my events into their own calendar and praying for me on those dates. It makes me feel calmer (especially at 2:00 AM). It makes me cringe at my own ego ("See how important I am? See how busy?"). It makes me want to pray for others (even at 2:00 AM). It makes me, somehow, glad to be needy.
Prayer makes a difference. I know that God does not “need” our prayers to accomplish his will on earth, yet still he chooses to accomplish his will in this way - with our tiny, feeble hands on his plow, our weak, scrawny necks sharing his yoke. It is, at times, hard to fathom.
But it feels good.
One feeling I am sure of, is a feeling of being needy. The world is a mess, Canada is a mess, I am a mess. There is my overarching, ever-present need for more sensitivity to the Holy Spirit, vision and faith to combat the 2:00 AM heebie-jeebies, strength for tight schedules, grace for the gaps. There is a density of calendar events making me fidgety and anxious. There is a need for community. Where would we be without each other? Some of my community have told me they are putting one or two of my events into their own calendar and praying for me on those dates. It makes me feel calmer (especially at 2:00 AM). It makes me cringe at my own ego ("See how important I am? See how busy?"). It makes me want to pray for others (even at 2:00 AM). It makes me, somehow, glad to be needy.
Prayer makes a difference. I know that God does not “need” our prayers to accomplish his will on earth, yet still he chooses to accomplish his will in this way - with our tiny, feeble hands on his plow, our weak, scrawny necks sharing his yoke. It is, at times, hard to fathom.
But it feels good.
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